June was 2. Josh was 10 months. We had moved into our house a month prior and I had dreams of a bigger gap for baby3. It was a shorter gap (19mo, instead of 20 that June/Josh were). I was ... in denial. I wasn't to my goal weight. I had visions of this child spacing pattern continuing (God is in charge of our family... not us) and having 145,342 kids. I was dreading morning sickness. I was already busy with the 2 of them and I just wasn't "ready." However as they say "ready or not...."
Then 2 weeks passed and morning sickness did indeed hit. With vengeance. I wasn't any happier. In God we trust...
Elizabeth's pregnancy was sprinkled with insanity. The house was falling apart for the first 4-5 months that we had it. Not really, but I swear every few weeks *something* else was breaking. (not to mention my morning sickness lingers for about 4 months too) Then Jim had this weird panic/illness thing that lingered months and had him running to Drs and us all kinda worried (he's fine... we think). Then Josh's weight became a red flag and we jumped into the world of Allergist/GI Drs. And finally when we had that diagnosed and figured out, a 3 week long stomach big hit. Suddenly, I was 39+ weeks pregnant. Holy moly. Can I call a re-do?
Then something happened.
I had her.
Elizabeth entered the world.
A beautiful, sweet smelling ball of perfection. She was mine. Ours. June and Josh's little sister. Our first daughter. I don't know what changed, but I fell for her instantly and I can honestly say that almost 8 month later, I'm still smitten. She's wonderful. I'm enjoying every second of her and am so blessed to have the family that I do. I look at her and am just happy. I'm so glad she is here. I love that little one that I was so unsure of. That pregnancy test that had me retreating into me hood and hoping to never again come out, turned out to be someone so completely special.
God does indeed know better than I do and he proved it. I thought I couldn't hack being a mom of 3 so soon and honestly, I fell on hard times last Fall. It hasn't been easy but I absolutely would not change it. And I'm not saying that because I actually can't change it and just need to deal. No. If given the option I wouldn't change a thing. I'm seeing the beauty in God determining the size and spacing of our family. Don't get me wrong. It's downright scary. If we were to conceive now, it'd be a 16 mo gap. Can you imagine the looks I'd get, not to mention comments. Um, yeah.
But lesson learned. God knows better than me. I'm so glad that we were given Elizabeth when we were and I'm blessed for the lesson too.
Hang on tight kids, there could be many more little blessings in the coming years. But for now I'm just trusting Him and his divine intervention and am thankful for his divine kick in the butt. ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment