Hidden Pregnancy Chronicals: weeks 4-9

I want to blog about this topic, but this information can't come out to the masses yet.  I plan to write updates, secretly, and publish this post once this information is common knowledge.  So if you are reading this, you probably know that we are expecting #4.  Yay!  Let the journey begin.

:)

4/2/2012
4weeks

I fount out last Thursday that we are expecting again.  I found out at only 3weeks4days pregnant.  For those of you who don't know, you typically don't test positive until 4 weeks, when your cycle is due.  So YIPEE! I'm cautiously optimistic.  Jim and I are both looking forward to our December baby.  December 9th is our due date.

I've taken 6 pregnancy tests so far. Um, yes, six.  I think I can stop now as every test has been darker than the last (my miscarriage never had a dark test). YAY.  I'm a tad psycho (6 tests... geesh!), but I'm ok with that bc if it eases my mind and heart, so be it.  My due date from my miscarriage is next week.  I've been dreading 4-10-12 for the last few months.  So I have mixed feelings.... I'm so beyond excited about the new baby, but I still need to deal with Roch's due date.  I also have really no desire to tell people.  Even the few that I told early, I wish I could bottle it up and keep it my secret for a long time.  It somehow feels safer that way.

I did call Dr. P and he will be delivering this little one.  WOO-to-the-HOO!  I have an appt May 2 @ 2 where I will get an ultrasound and meet with Dr. P.  I think I may break the news soon after that.

In about a week and a half. I will start to feel sick.  Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.  That part of this process blows.  I get headaches and am nauseous for about 4 months straight, without a break, and I get very tired.  My house then gets messy and I never want to cook dinner (when I'm feeling 100% I rarely *want* to cook dinner).  Morning sickness is a whole bunch of ICK!  I am going to be proactive as possible to try to ease as many symptoms as I can, but still... UUUUGH!

Here we go... let's start this journey again!

1 month

4/10/2012
5 weeks


Week 5, still pregnant. :)  I'm still feeling fine for the most part.  I'm getting tired and I feel "full" often, but otherwise all is well.  1 more week until morning sickness.  3 weeks until my ultra sound and Dr appt.

I've thought about when to tell people. I just don't know.  I still don't have the desire to tell anyone.  I've told my mom and I've told 1 friend.  Even the people I planned to tell uber early, I just can't.  I don't know if I am afraid to miscarry, or if I'm afraid of the comments as I will have 4 children, under the age of 6 (which in common English translation means "I = loony toon").  It still just feels safer being contained within my head, my heart, and my tummy. :)  We'll see how I feel after the ultra sound.  I think I might tell family over Mother's Day weekend.  I'll be just about 10 weeks, which is when we typically tell, *and* I'll be on a trip with my ILs that weekend and I LOATHE faking normalcy when I feel like a limp dish rag. I can do it for short outings but not for 2 whole days.  It's exhausting to fake it.  But we'll see... week by week.  I never got morning sickness with my miscarriage so maybe I will feel better and reassured once I'm feeling a physical side of the baby thriving.

So anyway, baby's heart starts beating this week.  It boggles my mind that it's already determined that the baby is a boy or girl.  I'm super interested in who is joining our family next. :)

**update** On Wednesday at 5weeks2days, morning sickness hit. 5 days early.  Jerk.  HELLO, old friend.  How I've missed you... blech.  So since Wednesday (today is Friday) I've lost EVERY urge to keep my secret in.  Once I feel sick, I want EVERYONE to know I feel sick.  I hate faking "happy" and "normal" when I feel like a limp dishrag.  So we'll see how long my lips stay seals because quite frankly, I'm ready to whip out maternity pants and be allowed to look as icky as I feel.  No more fronts...

5/7/2012
9 weeks


Since my last post, ish hit the fan.  Morning sickness totally engrossed me. It kinda scares me because I wonder if it's just getting worse with each baby, as I age. AHH!  Jim and my mom saw the worst of it this time.  I would feel "ok" for about an hour, tops, most days.  I had "i-can-push-through" times mixed with "I-can-only-sit-and-be-consumed-by-my-nausea" times.  It was bad.  Bad.  By afternoon most days I wasn't quite functional.  Soooooo after 3 weeks of wallowing in my blech-ness, my 8 week appt came along and I asked politely (or kinda begged) for medication.  HOLY TOLEDO! I feel like a new person.  I went from ^that^ to feeling about 80% myself. WOOO HOOO!!

We told family the news at the end of 5 weeks.  I had no desire to hide it when I felt so bad.  After my appt, last week I told the world.  THE CONRADS ARE HAVING A BABY!!! I'm so excited and now that I feel better (praise the Lord for Composine!!) I am basking in the surreal "I'm having a baby!" excitement.  There will be a 2.5 year gap and I'm so looking forward to this fresh new little one. :)

(Baby is facing us here, kinda paying diagonal.  The top is his/her little head.  You can see 2 tony arm bud to the sides and 1 big ole' belly. The heart was FLICKERING away.)