Play

The fact that more often then not I have not been feeling great, I take any chance to sit on my butt and let the kids play together or independently, namely without me.  Between keeping the house put together (as much as humanly possible), staying on top of cleaning bathrooms, doing dishes, switching laundry and wanting to sit and do nothing, I haven't been the most "there" mom.  I still cover the bases and provide what the kids need, but I've found that I've become more lax with getting down and playing with them.  I've also become quite the grouch, which has manifested itself in the kids showing me those lovely emotions right back.  It's so wonderful how they are a mirror you, shooting your reflection right back in your face.  Most times, it's not so pretty.  I rarely think "Wow, my kids are simply sweet today.  I am fantastic."  Usually it's "Why are they like this?!?! ... Oooooh, because I'm that way first."  Reality check. 

So I'm slowly trying some changes... not changes, just pushing myself beyond my comfort sit-on-my-butt between chores mode.  Slowly... I know it's better for them and I know I will see positive changes in myself.

Last week Josh asked if we could play "Don't Break The Ice"... sure!  So we did.  It was only a few rounds but it pacified his need for mom time and game time.  

Another time, we did pumpkin paint.  I only had white and black left, but paint is paint so we went for it.  

Today I was pretty deflated bc we went on a playdate and my kids were snots.  Plain and simple.  They said things like "We don't like it here" and "Let's go home."  Wonderful comments that make you want to sink into the floor.  This was a new friend (not even a friend just... just barely budding) from the bus stop.  Mortified.  I was pretty intent on putting June on the bus and sentencing the other 2 to excruciatingly long naps.  Instead, we put June on the bus and played outside.  They rode bikes, pushed their babies in strollers, and played on the front lawn.   As a silver lining, I got to weed the front bed and prettify things out there.  

Slowly but surely.   I'm working on lowering my voice.  Modelling behaviors that I want to see and staying more actively involved.  One day, I'll get this parenting thing down perfectly. ;P  Such a work in progress...