Lose The Pressure

I've been seeing a trend of mommy blogger articles that are along the lines of showing the reality of motherhood, the brutal aggravation that motherhood sometimes is, the ick, the gory details.  I love reading them and they are completely refreshing.  We are dropping this ideal of perfection and showing the struggle in raising good kids, while not being Pinterest perfect (and I love me some Pinterest, don't get me wrong).

The one blog (I read it on my phone and have lost the link since then) hit on something that I loved hearing and is so true.  She was an "older" mom with growing and grown kids.  She said when she was a young mom things were easier, decisions were easier.  There were minimal "hot topics" and mommy debates.  She said today is riddled with the "right" kind of parenting and scrutiny if you are not just that.  In my last raw post, I hinted at a few of those ideas and hot areas that I hold for myself:  clean house, scheduled kids, myself pulled together, perfect behavior, etc.

I've always been a perfectionist and I do intend to keep looking composed, when at all possible, and keeping the house presentable.  It's not easy and I'm far from perfect, but I really want to have the house where my kids' friends freely run in and out of without worry of the condition of the house.  And I just can't stand looking like I have 4 kids... I'm disparately hanging onto "Susie" as well as "mommy".  So, for me, those are mandatory.  They are personal.  It's just something I want, there is no other reason for doing so.

I'm also ridiculously structured.  I love organizing and for everything to have a place.  I like order.  As a teen, I would RACE to bed when the clock hit 10:00.  My parents would laugh and call me Cinderella. I get flustered when you spring plans on me, I can't bend.  I've always thrived on predictability and regiment.  Because of that, I easily put my kids on schedules and have a pattern to our day.  It works out that that is typically beneficial for kids, but it comes naturally for me.  I also nurse.  I started nursing because we didn't have the money for formula.  True story.  Now, it's just what works for me (and we still might not have money for formula ;) ).  These are just a few topics within motherhood that we can tend to pick at, whether in a debate on a public forum, quietly in email conversations, or within our own heads.

Let me clear the air though.  It doesn't matter WHAT we choose to do.  It doesn't.  Motherhood is hard and each and every mother has to do what works for them.  There is enough aggravation and emotion and trials in just raising up kids that the how needs to be a personal decision.

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You want to circumcise your son.  Fantastic.  You choose to keep him in tact.  Okie Dokie.

You choose formula because of your schedule or because breastfeeding just wigs you out or because you tried nursing and can't: Alright.  You want to nurse because of the health benefits or because you are frugal: Good for you.

You need to work to financially support that little life or you chose to work because working provides a bit more adult communication: Sure!  You choose to stay at home to raise your children because you want to or stay at home because you can't afford day care? That works too.

Your days are flexible and fun?  Cool.  Your days have a schedule that you follow? Awesome.

You baby-wear out of convenience or ease?   Great.  You have no desire?  Not a problem.

You feed your kids all organic and puree every bit of baby food from fresh vegis?  Wonderful.  You sometimes put meals on the table that come from ::gasp:: processed foods or use the drive thru as a mode of dinner at times. That's ok too.

Your kid wear all new designer clothes or are dressed all in hand-me-downs. Both work.

You chose to homeschooling your children to train them up under you.  That's awesome.  You chose to send your children to school because it's a no-brainer or because you just can't homeschool right now (ehem, me)? They will learn well.

However you chose to discipline.  It's.your.choice

You have 1 child or a multitude? Welcome to motherhood, you just need 1 child to join the club.

I could go on and on and on, but my point is... lose the pressure!  Drop the ideal.  Love your kids, raise them up to the best of your ability and do what works for you, not what society deems acceptable. 

We circumcise.  I breastfeed for the first year. I stay home with the kids because I choose to and take many sacrifices to do so (4 kids, I'm not yet 30 and we are on 1 salary, HELLO!).  I'm too structured and yes, my kids end up on schedules.  I sometimes baby wear.  I feed my kids natural beef, chicken, and eggs and typically make their baby food.  I also feed them mac and cheese and hot dogs and Burger King.  We dress primarily in hand-me-downs (blessed hand-me-downs).  I am sending my kids to school, at least for now.  I'm strict and need to work on keeping my cool and offer out love and hugs more and  lastly, we are open to many many kids.

^That^ is me and I'm not saying those choices are right.  Some of those items I feel really good about and others I know I could do better... or at least I feel the pressure.  Drop that pressure.  Stop comparing.  Do what works for you and your family.

There is too much involved in motherhood to be scrutinizing "Well, you should be feeding your children this." or "Your baby should be sleeping at these times during the day." or "You should keep your son in tact." ENOUGH.  Each mother that I know is doing her best, her absolute best.  Let her continue to do her best.  God gave each of us our children because we are the only ones completely equipped to raise them up in the way He needs.  We were chosen to be their mothers.  I was given June, Josh, Elizabeth, and Emily because God knew who they needed , ME, and what they would teach me in return.  I don't know a mom who slacks off and isn't trying to do the best for her children.  Maybe they are out there, but I am surrounded by moms who care and who are really trying.  Keep trying, moms!  Keep doing what works for you and keep you head held high.  The day-to-day life of a mom is trying.  It's work.  We need to cut each other some slack.  I've always felt like if something works for you, run with it.  If it doesn't and you are stressed, search and change, but if you have found your groove, good for you.

We all have the same mission, I think.  We want to raise good people: people who will live a good life and make others around them happy.  If we focus our energy not on what the ideals are, but on how much our children are loved, how well we know our children, and keep training them up, our mission is complete.  The rest are details.  Don't let anyone hang you up on the details.

Good job, mama, keep it up.