Josh's turn for my crazy concern

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I always get fairly worried that there is something "wrong" with my kids or that I'm just parenting all wrong and creating small monsters that will grow up to be serial killers... particularly ages 3-5.   I swore June was emotionally disturbed (oh the TANTRUMS!), but no, he's a sweet boy who feels deeply.  He's proven to be fine and thrives in all aspects of life now.  Phew.

Currently it's Josh.  I'm self diagnosing Josh with learning disabilities and possible ADHD.  I don't mean to demean either of those things... Josh has shown so many instances of something just being so off and naughty and uncooperative and ACTIVE.  My mama heart just is so heavy with JOSH right now.  If you knew me while June was 3 and 4, I had the same deep feelings and I think it was me taking parenting way too seriously and not accepting June for June, but I can't help but be stuck again in that "WHAT IS GOING ON" mindset with this child.

Josh has been my puzzle child from the beginning, but he was medically puzzling for the first few years.  The medical stuff is gone now (I think... he's still itty bitty), but I feel like I just can't properly parent him.  I don't know if it's the age (he's 5.5 though, which isn't a young and impulsive age) or if there is something "wrong" with him, or if he's missing a few upstairs, or if he's just completely naughty and defiant.

Yesterday, was a "normal" day, yet it was thing after thing... he still cries at the drop of a hat, he often can't play cooperatively with Elizabeth, he's naughty, active, and WAY behind on academic stuff (though I have talked to an IST and she said he's fine academically and can tell it will all click in Kindergarten).  Yesterday's naughtiness consisted of opening a BLACK paint can and getting paint on himself, the livingroom carpet and the white downstairs bathroom.  Jim specifically talked to Josh lately about paint and the tools and how he was NOT allowed to use any of them himself (we are in a painting project on the back porch).  He also was throwing his action figures at adults during the baseball game yesterday.  Like Jim said, he can't have kids that we can't take places.  We have a big family and we are on the move and we need kids to tow the line.  We've never had issues taking kids places: church, restaurants, stores, etc.  We need to keep moving and keep parenting and stay consistent, but I'm at a loss.  Part of me thinks he is just Josh and is immature and needs time and consistency, and is just different than June was and presents his weak points differently.  I pray that's it.  I pray that I'm over analyzing and over thinking and over worrying.

Part of me has no idea WHAT is going on and what to do though.  We are in limbo between services... he's too old for Early Intervention and not in the school system yet.   Will they pick something up once he's in school?  Is it my parenting?  Is it just Josh's personality like it was just June's personality.  June was never naughty and active like this.  I don't like dealing with "new" aspects of kids.  I've mastered June's quirks and Josh just has NONE of the same.

BAH.

I need to remember that I was ready to send June to Kid's Peace at one point in time so seeing Josh in Juvie seems to run along a similar vein.  Maybe I just need Xanax... or a drink... or a vacation...

I think I'll spend the next few days focusing on Josh's strengths because I've spent weeks on his weaknesses and it's just dragging my mama heart down.

*This* is why parenting is not for the faint of heart.  Your kids will be so emotionally taxing at times, with a weight that you've never felt before.  The highs are wonderful, but there will be lows that tug and pull at you like nothing else.