Parenting the Hard Child

Emily came into the world screaming.  That's a good healthy sound, right?  Every mom waits for that first hearty cry.

Well, yes, unless it lasts for 25 minutes straight.  Loudly.  Inconsolably.

See?  Still screaming...

Then you have entered life with Emily.

She seemed timid and frightened from the beginning.  She needed extra mama protection because her own inner world didn't seem as stable as her siblings.  She didn't trust and flow into her new surroundings nearly as well.

She dealt with a small dose of colic, which I think was just pain from the thrush she had, but it made her unhappy and took away the mellow that comes with a new baby.

As the moths went by, she became pretty even keel, but with a big mommy complex.  If you weren't me, you couldn't get near her... or not for long.

She turned one and the timid nature turned into strong will and strong opinions.  Verbalized opinions.

She's now 18 months and is the child who when not given her way, a fit is pitched  This fit can happen over the most minute things.  She doesn't like to sit in carts.  She wants to take the field at the boys baseball games... during the games.  When she's tired, she's a crank-pot.  She's a picky eater and gets mad when you don't have Emily-food.  She's hard.

She's my hard child.  I verbalize that she's a tough cookie and it hasn't been easy to raise her so far.  I don't sugar coat it or pretend she's an angel.  She takes a bit more work than the others.  In her little life she has dealt with more than her siblings: more illness, that painful thrush, early and back-to-back teething (at 17 months all her teeth are in, 16 in total), etc.  The list goes on.  Her different personality mixed with circumstance has made her harder than others to raise, day in and day out. It's easy to be frustrated and feel like she's too much at times.

Do you have a child like that?  One who gets a bad wrap?  One who is easily looked at in social situations as the child you hope not to get?  The loud one?  Do you have a child who makes most other children look like a cake walk?

It's easy to cast a bad light on them and focus on the struggle.  It's easy because we so easily focus on us.. how we feel, how things effect us.  A hard child effects parents because they are more work, more disruptive, and less easy to pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

I've learned, there is a completely different side to the hard child too, because it's not about us.  There is a whole them that we forget about.

Here is what isn't always seen in Emily:

Emily is my most outgoing and fun loving child.  She was the happiest and most bubbly baby that I have had.  She was so easy to make laugh and smile.  She still is and she is goofy.  She enjoys exploring and intermixing and doesn't hold back.

She is a cuddler too.  She wants love and hugs and closeness.  She's enjoyable to soak in during those moments.

She's already has her own "likes" too... she likes her hair brushed and to wear dress up shoes around the house.  She loves her blankie.

She is a helper already... she loves completing small tasks like throwing something in the garbage or putting a dish in the sink, or closing and starting up the dishwasher.

She has a sweet heart and is quite possibly our most fun and enjoyable personality.

She's not a bad person.  She's not naughty.  She's not worth less than her three big siblings, just because she wasn't and isn't "easy."

For every hard attribute, there is an equally awesome attribute waiting in the wings.

What I've learned from Emily is this:  Don't discount the hard kids.  Don't assume it's bad parenting or something that needs to be diagnosed.  Don't assume they are lost causes.  Don't pity their parents.  For everything you see, there is so much from that child that you don't.  They might be more compassionate, more intuitive, more fun.  They might be teaching you something that you wouldn't have otherwise gained.

Each of my children has taught me a lesson.  Each of them has made me a better person.  Each of them has pushed me past myself and onto a deeper understanding of human nature and human needs.  Emily is no exception.  No, she wasn't a typically relaxed baby.  No, she wasn't my best sleeper.  Yes, it was frustrating at times and still is and will continue to be.  Yes, she requires more than the others did at her age, but I feel like she brings so much more to the table as well.  Every child is a blessing... even the "hard" ones.  <3 p="">