Laughter in Parenting

I get these daily emails and I usually save them.  All are pretty sound advice but this one made me smile and really hit home. :) April 14, 2011 | Here's your daily parenting tip from ScreamFree

"Sometimes the laughter in mothering is the recognition  of the ironies and absurdities.  Sometimes, though, it's just pure, unthinking delight." -Barbara Schapiro, O Magazine, May 2003

Here is the author's take on it (the good stuff...) http://www.screamfree.com/site/MessageViewer?em_id=6763.0&dlv_id=13745

22 Alternatives to Punishement

http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/22_alternatives.html

22 Alternatives to Punishment by Jan Hunt

Many parents recognize the harmful effects of physical and verbal punishment.  They know that yelling, slapping, hitting, and spanking teach violence, destroy self-esteem, create anger,  interfere with learning, and damage the relationship between parent and child. But knowing what not to do is only the first step; parents wonder what they  should do instead. Unfortunately, most current parenting books and articles  recommend "alternatives" which in reality are merely alternative punishments.  These include time-out, denial of privileges, and so-called "logical" consequences. All of these methods have much in common with physical punishment, and all give the same  messages: that the parent has no interest in the underlying unmet needs that led to  the behavior, and is taking unfair advantage of his greater size and power over the  child. Most significantly, these approaches tell the child that someone he has come to  love and trust wishes to cause him pain. This is a "crazy-making" message,  because it is so alien to the child's intuitive understanding about what love should look like. Finally, all of these approaches miss the best opportunities for learning. They sidetrack the child into fantasies  of revenge, where he is too distracted to focus on the real issue at hand. True alternatives to punishment are  those that help the child to learn and grow in a healthy way. There are few greater joys in life than allowing our  child to teach us what love is! Here are twenty-two alternatives that give positive, loving messages: 1. Prevent unwanted behavior by meeting your child's needs when they are first expressed. With her current needs met, she is free to move on to the next stage of learning. 2. Provide a safe, child-friendly environment. There is little point in having precious items within the reach of a baby or toddler, when they can simply be put away until the child is old enough to handle them carefully. 3. Apply the Golden Rule. Think about how you would like to be treated if you were to find yourself in the same circumstances as your child. Human nature is human nature, regardless of age. 4. Show empathy for your child's feelings. Even if a child's behavior seems illogical, his underlying feelings and needs are real to him. A statement like "You seem really unhappy" is a good way to show that you are on your child's side. 5. Validate your child's feelings so she knows that you understand and care, and that she will never be rejected for having any particular kinds of feelings. For example, "That scared me too when I was little." 6. Meet the underlying need that led to the behavior. If we punish the outward behavior, the still unmet need will continue to surface in other ways until it is finally met. Questions such as "Are you angry because I've been on the phone so much today? Would you like to go for a walk together?" can help a child feel loved and understood. 7. Whenever possible, find a "win-win" solution that meets everyone's needs. To learn effective conflict resolution skills, consider a course in Nonviolent CommunicationSM. 8. Reassure your child that he is loved and appreciated. So-called "bad" behavior is often the child's attempt to express his need for love and attention, in the best way that he can manage at that moment. If he could express this need in a more mature way, he would. 9. Shift the focus away from a situation that has become too stressful to resolve at that moment: "Let's take a break. What would you like to do instead?" 10. Be sure that you and your child have had nutritious food throughout the day so your blood sugar levels stay high. Frequent, small meals are best. 11. Breathe! When stressed, we need more oxygen, but tend to take shallow breaths. Even a few deep breaths can help us to calm down and think more clearly. 12. We don't expect a car to start unless the gas tank is filled, and we shouldn't expect a child to function at her best if her "emotional tank" is running low. Give the three things that fill a child's emotional tank: eye contact, gentle touch, and undivided attention. 13. Chamomile tea is very relaxing for both adults and children. Taken an hour before bedtime by a nursing mother, it can also help to calm her baby. Older children might like iced chamomile tea or popsicles. 14. Take a time out - with your child. A change of scenery - even if it's just a short time outdoors, can make a real difference for both parent and child. 15. Pick a Parenting Card for inspiration and encouragement or create some of your own reminder cards. 16. Offer a massage. A bedtime massage can help a child to sleep more soundly, giving her more resilience and energy for the following day. 17. Give choices. Children need to feel they have a voice. Offering choices, even if they seem unimportant to you ("Do you want the red cup or the blue one?") will help a child feel that he has some say over his life, especially if he has had to cope with recent changes. 18. Try whispering. When tensions are high, whispering can help to get a child's attention and also help to calm the parent. 19. Give your child time. A statement like "Let me know when you're ready to share the toy / climb into the car seat / put on your jacket" will give the child a sense of autonomy and make it easier for him to cooperate. 20. Give yourself time. Count to ten (silently) or ask for time ("I'm not sure what to say. Please give me a moment while I think this over." Sometimes we just need a bit of time to think more clearly and to see things more objectively.  21. Remember that children create images from our words: "Slow down!" is more effective than "Stop running!". The first statement creates an image of slowing down, while the second creates a picture of someone running (the word "don't" is too abstract to overcome the more concrete and compelling image of running). Similarly, a specific request is more effective than a general one: "Please put down the glass" instead of "Be careful". 22. Ask yourself "Will I look back at this later and laugh?" If so, why not laugh now? Create the kind of memory you would like to have when you look back on this day. In these ways, we can best bring about the genuine cooperation that we seek at the moment. But our greatest reward will be a life-long, mutually loving and trusting bond with our child.

Self Mortification

Here is a cool article I found online... something to keep in mind...

Five Ways to Practice Mortification without Outing Yourself as a Catholic

by ROB DRAPEAU on SEPTEMBER 8, 2010

There is no quicker way to expose yourself as a “Cath-oholic” than to drop the word mortification on an unsuspecting interlocutor. Once you’ve unleashed that baby you may as well change your name to Francis Xavier O’Surname and start wearing your brown scapular on the outside of your dress shirt—your cover is blown.

Nevertheless, you don’t have to use the word mortification to practice mortification. (Paradoxically, for some of us, not using it might even qualify as an act of it, but I digress.)

Very (very, very) loosely, mortification means “die-iting.” It’s an act of self-denial, of dying to self, that helps us grow in our spiritual life and become more Christ-like. Not all acts of mortification have to be Braveheart “Freedom!” moments. Here are five inconspicuous ways to mortify yourself that won’t get you labeled or libeled. Think of them as “mortamins”—the Catholic, spiritual version of vitamins. Take one and see if  it helps you grow in your spiritual life.

1. Wake like a hero. Get up the first time the alarm goes off. Don’t hit the snooze button, instead practice what members of Opus Dei call “the heroic moment.” Roll out of bed, kiss the floor, and say one word: serviam. That’s Latin for “I will serve.” It’s exactly the opposite of what Lucifer said before being cast into hell.
2. Be on time. To everything. Here I open myself up to “tu quoque”s galore, but it is still good advice. Punctuality shows respect for others and yourself. It’s a perfect mortamin because it’s a small thing, but hard to do.
3. Be cheerful even when you don’t feel like it. Every one you meet is engaged in a great struggle, not just you. Suck it up and be friendly. You might feel like an old shoe, but your attitude doesn’t need to smell like one. Smiles are free, they’re easy, and they go a long way towards boosting morale—maybe even your own.
4. Order a smaller size drink. This is a ridiculously simple mortification, but a surprisingly hard one to do. For whatever reason, Americans feel entitled to jumbo-sized beverages—they don’t even have small drinks at McDonald’s anymore—but this is the perfect covert act of self-denial. If anyone notices, they’ll probably chalk it up to the economy.
5. Eat fish on Friday. Admit it: you want to be a Catholic who eats fish on Friday—it’s so not cool, that it is cool. Besides, nobody will notice, I promise—there are too many trendy diets for people to keep track of. Call it the “purposefully alternating proteins and legumes” diet (the p.a.p.a.l. diet, wink, wink) and your co-workers will beg you for the details. Also, contrary to popular belief, Catholics have not been excused from the requirement to abstain from meat on Fridays—it’s just that now one is allowed to substitute another suitable act of mortification.

So there you have it, five ways to die to yourself for the greater glory of God. Feel free to add to the list and let us know if any these prove helpful. Peace!