A glimmer of hope

So my last post was... um... dramatic and although I did mean every word and do question my effectiveness, I realize that life is one big moving train.  You can't get off, there's no turning back or reversing what is done and all you can do is move forward.  I don't know why June had a rough week last week that culminated by the utter embarrassment of Saturday night, but I do know that there are parenting tools that work, I *am* doing the right thing by staying home with them and raising the family that we are blessed with (regardless of what *I* think of the spacing.... He knows better than me, for sure), and if I keep trying and praying success should follow. (even when bumps or pot holes arise from time to time)

Anyway... hope. 

For the last few weeks Elizabeth has slept terribly (I think more teeth are coming) and the boys have been getting up too (peeing through their pjs, falling out of bed, nightmares... the usual) so on Sunday I told Jim that my biggest wish was to get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Wish GRANTED. Last night I went to bed at 11:30 knowing I'd be up a few times and my alarm would sound at 6. Ugh.

Then something magical happened... divine even...  I fell asleep and then next thing I knew, my alarm was going off.  I slept 6.5 hours STRAIGHT.  Holy moly!!!!!! Then I threw caution to the wind and went back to sleep until 7:30, when Eliz needed to eat.

Saying that I feel refreshed is an understatement.  So that night in itself kinda punched me in the face with the realization that things won't always be like this.  I'm sure I have many many many more years of night wakings and sacrifice to toddlers, but this too shall pass.  

Jim and I also had a long talk last night and it felt nice to communication and talk. Really talk.  It's too easy to stumble through the daily routine and completely lose sight that before kids we were a couple.  We've taken on so much so fast (and wouldn't change it... but it's hard!) that we as a couple are the ones that end up taking the hit.  Anyway, we talked and I feel supported and so much better. 

And on top of that, June was asked last night if he would have rather lived a life with just mommy, daddy, and him and he quickly replied with, "Nooooo... I want my brother and my sister." He said it without hesitating and acted like Jim and I were off our rockers for even asking. :) 

We will get through our "old fashion family living in a modern world" life ... I think it's just going to take more than most.  I just need to keep trying and enjoy the glimmers of hope and recognition when they come. <3

And for today, I'm going to enjoy feeling rested. :)