Perspective from a BTBD mom

http://www.elizabethfoss.com/reallearning/2010/03/what-is-it-with-me-and-carseats.html

I read this article bc I'm a car seat nut.  For real, I'm overly into car seats.  I thought, from the title of the article, that I may have found a fellow car seat loon.  Nope.  I got more than I bargained for.

This article was amazing.  It covered all of the things I've been feeling over the last few years.  It made me feel justified, normal, and understood.

I thought (still think sometimes) that I was a horrible mom for being overwhelmed with life once we conceived Josh.  I felt like I was on a roller coaster.  I felt like I was always doing something for someone and selfishly, that someone wasn't ME! And I didn't like that.

But I see now that it's all part of the process.  I'm blessed to be at the beginning of my child bearing years.  Realistically, I have 10-12 good years left and that makes me happy.  This time, right now, is NUTS.  I have 3 children in my house who are under 5.  When Elizabeth was born, I had a 3 year old, 19 month old and a newborn.  No wonder things felt hard.  Jim was in grad school through much of the last few years.  We bought a house.  We moved jobs and states.  More than that, we were raising infants and toddlers... all at once. I was often overwhelmed and frustrated and angry and tired and confused about effective parenting and stressed over "doing it right" and concerned about what everyone else thought.

Ya know what?

Forget everyone else.  I want a big family.  I want God to decide the number.  I'm elated to know that my feelings were normal.  I was not a freak who couldn't hack it.  I wasn't a bad parent.  I wasn't a bad person.  I was human and I was raising the hardest combination of children: a baby and toddler.  Things are still hard... I'm still angry... I'm still working my way to the surface and only with grace and His love will I get to a contented, serene place with my parenting, but I'm trying.  And I'm willing to put in the effort to raise a beautiful family devoted to Him and filled with love and fullness.

Tonight I feel validated.  What I have been feeling over the last 3 years is normal for a busy blessed mama of  multiple little ones.

I need to take a step back and realized that cleaning my house shouldn't take priority.  I am still a slave to everything needing to look perfect: clean, tidy, and organized.  I need to enjoy my babies.  I need to snuggle them and watch them grow.  There is nothing more important right now.  They will never be as little as they are right now.  I'm going to blink and June will be in college, Elizabeth will be sharing shoes with me (if she deems them cool enough) and Josh will be... well who knows where Josh will end up. ;)  I will have other little ones (by God's blessing) but these three in my care now will never be as small as they are today.

I am so thankful that I am coming to these realizations now and not 10-20 years down the line when they are all big and I missed it.  I am so appreciative to see this now while they are all still little.

God is good.