The antics that go on in this house are absurd at times, infuriating at times, & downright crazy. I'm not saying I would change anything, because, although not easy, I really feel like this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Each of them has their own quirks, strengths, and weaknesses. More than anything else, they are teaching me. Each day is a test in patience, compassion, work ethic, stamina, & empathy. I'm so far from excelling too.
In the moments where I feel defeated and frustrated and overrun, I try to see the glimmer of purpose... why I'm doing this and why I need to keep pushing past the frustration, the defeat. The beauty of four kids is that when one or two of them may be trying my patience, there is (typically) at least one who outwardly exhibits something awe inspiring.
Earlier this week Elizabeth had a stomach bug. You never want someone under 3 or 4 to have a stomach bug. They don't understand. They are scared and they are so completely uncoordinated. Sunday night I didn't get much sleep and the rest of the week was consumed with worry of if she was over it and whether anyone else would get it... the verdict still isn't out on that one. Amid my internal worry and fatigue, the others offered hope.
Monday I got horrible news about a family member's loss of her sweet sweet baby boy. He left before he even had the chance to meet his mama or take his first breaths. My heart wrenched for her (still does). I could feel it ache. The personal solace that I gained was from snuggling Emily and feeling beyond blessed to have a fourth healthy, happy baby. That day was spent feeling immensely blessed instead of downtrodden over Elizabeth's belly.
Tuesday, June stepped up and without being asked pitched in with chores. He emptied the dishwasher, at one point, and he listened when asked to do something. He even let me nap, on the floor, for 20 minutes while he played nicely, just because apparently I needed it.
(He took photographic evidence too, haha. I found these on my camera last night)
Then, just yesterday, I went to get Josh up from his nap and said "Joshua?" He said, "What?" I said, "I love you so much." He smiled at me and lunged to tackle me in such a big hug. He just held onto me for a few seconds. It was wonderful. It was unexpected and, without knowing it, was just what I needed.
So this week, I could continue to stress over this bug, and I will... trust me, but God has given me all of these sweet crazy nutty kids and so many of them that they can give me trials and the glimmers of sweet satisfaction all at once.
You could easily feel overworked. And I do. You could feel frustrated with the task of raising all of them into good people. And I am, but you can also keep eyes open and see the little blessings that God puts into the every day. It's not normal to have this number of kids, especially this young, but there is a beauty in it, you just have allow yourself to see.
*As a side note, for the month of May I want to try something very different. I am going to try journal entries instead of the typical blogging. I've felt stuck recently. I have so much and nothing to write about all at the same time. So I am going to, for the month of May, log what has happened to us each day and see how it turns out. I would love to hear about different topics that you would like to see me cover. Give me fodder, people! :) Comment or email or message me, maybe if I have some direction, I will blog more often too. ;)
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