Keep Going

I remember being fairly overwhelmed at every stage of my journey as a mom.

After Josh: Befuddled

After Eliz: Mommy Mission

After Emily: Adjusting & Coldplay

People now will comment on "I don't know how you do it with 4, I can't do it with 1!"  Any stage of pregnancy and child raising can be tough.  I was lonely and frustrated with one.  I was busy keeping up with 2.  I almost went off the deep end with 3.  I felt like I was sinking with 4.

"Well, Susie, maybe you should stop having children."  "Maybe you should have bigger gaps."  "Maybe these feeling are telling you something!"  

The word "irresponsible" comes to mind in this context, but that's not it.  It's not.  In fact, I could counter that argument, but I won't start that now.

The point is, regardless of how many kids you have, or what their spaces are, or what their ages are, there is a sacrifice and a weight that comes with being a mom.  There is work and effort and it can feel like you want to throw in the towel and give up.  Running off into the quiet sunset sounds absolutely amazing sometimes...

But don't.

Because it gets better.  Push through the stressful times and just keep going.  You don't have to go gracefully or with tact.  You just have to keep living.  Get through this hour, or get through to bedtime.  Get to tomorrow and the tomorrow after that and ya know what?  At some point you will realize that things are not so hard.

You. Did. It.

You will hit an even spot.  A happy spot.  You have to push though.  You have to tread that water.  Don't stop, don't sink.  Keep going.

Kids aren't easy and times get tough, but what I am learning is that things are supposed to be hard.  Hard strengthens us.  Hard pushes us.  Hard shapes us.  After you pass "hard" you can revel in the rewards of that labor.

Tonight the 3 big kids were playing -nicely- in the basement... like, for an extended amount of time... nicely...  It was wonderful.  Emily was crawling around up here and when giggles kicked up from downstairs she swam her way across the floor and headed right for the basement steps.  Siblings are absolutely amazing.  The delight on her face while she was following those giggles was just perfect.  They say that a newborn is the embodiment of love... and I would agree, but I swear love was tangible tonight as I watched Emily and could see her connection to her three big siblings.

These gaps are not glamorous.  There is so much grunt work for Jim and I. So. much. work.  Finances are tight, and I used to look so much more youthful a few years ago. -sigh-  It's all worth it.  All of it.  There is always a transition when a new baby comes.  There is always more sacrifice.  It will feel hard.  That doesn't mean you made the wrong choice or that something should have been done differently.  It just means that you are in the "hard" working your way to the pay off.  There are years of hard ahead of me.  Years.  But I know I'm exactly where I am supposed to be.... working through the hard and enjoying the sweet moments as they fleetingly pass.  Tomorrow I may blog about the inanity that is unfolding around me, but for right now, I will tell you, it's all worth it.