I know what it feels like to be a mom. I know that indescribably intense love that comes with being a mother. I would do anything for my kids. Their needs come before mine in every practical way (besides the whole "take care of yourself" thing... nobody wants to see me unshowered and gangly. Priorities!). I have felt again and again my heart swell bigger and bigger with each child.
There was one thing I had yet to experience though... Jim and I are the oldest of our families and before last October, we were the only ones married out of our siblings. My brother Jimmy got married that October and last Spring we got word that him and his wife, Jess, were having their first baby in December. It's been exciting and fun to share pregnancy anecdotes and advice and watch them experience all that comes with growing a human life. I was so excited to see them hit every step. This is so cliche, but it's been bonding sharing that with Jess too. Venturing into motherhood is so unique and I got to watch her do just that.
Flash forward to December, last Monday night I went out to dinner with Jess while June was at CCD class. She was only 2 days shy of her due date and had been feeling off that day. It sounded like things were moving in the right direction, but babies can be fickle, so I stayed guarded. Turns out things were indeed happening. Contractions started and by 4:30 am they were admitted to the hospital. At 1:30pm, they welcomed their first son: Zachary Pierce Wagner. He was 7 pounds 13 ounces and 21 inches of perfection. He has been healthy and happy and thriving and mama is doing well also. She handled a med free labor like a champ and birthed him textbook!
Here is where I selfishly enter: First of all, I had been getting text updates through the night and morning and up until push-time, which made me feel super important and so happy to be able to track Zachary's entrance into the world. All morning Hail Mary's were flying left and right around here for Jess and Jimmy and their peanut for a safe and easy (ha) delivery. I wasn't there, but I felt looped into the process. It was pretty cool. Secondly, I had absolutely no idea that I would feel how I feel about this small little man. NO idea.
Like I said above, I know a mother's love. It's crazy deep and virtually indescribable. Becoming an Aunt, I thought would be cool, and fun. I knew I was excited, but I didn't expect to feel like this! I saw his picture via text around 2 pm and I gushed. My nephew. My baby brother's baby. Jess is roped into our family in a whole new way. Everything surrounding those moments felt all warm and fuzzy. Then I felt a eerily similar feeling... love... LOVE? Immediately? For someone who isn't mine?
Yes. Love.
I love that little boy. And I feel a whole new connection to Jess and Jimmy. They are parents. They are where I was 6.5 years ago. They've crossed that threshold into this new dimension of life. They are forever forever parents.
And Jim and I... we have a nephew. A tiny perfect nephew.
I told the kids Tuesday afternoon and seeing their responses was absolutely amazing. June hugged me and told me I was the best mom ever, even though I had nothing to do with Zack's arrival. He gave me the credit, the opposite of "Don't shoot the messenger." Josh was excited and asked when he could see baby Zachary. He made me write a card to Jimmy and Jess and told me to write "Thank you for my baby cousin." Elizabeth just beamed. They are ITCHING to meet him. (This is some of the perks to closely spaced kids and a bunch of siblings... new babies are a happy and exciting thing to them. They don't view babies as spotlight stealers or weird or needy or however other kids can sometimes view them. They are genuinely excited to have a cousin and want to meet him STAT.)
I got to see him Tuesday night thanks for Jim coming home early from work. No waiting for me. I put Emily to bed and scooted down to the hospital. Jim picked up the slack and put the other 3 kids to bed. What a guy!
Entering the hospital room was exciting. There he was, in real life... so small... in his little bassinet. A product of my brother and sister-in-law. So perfect. Once Jimmy finished changing his first dirty diaper, I scooped him up and was able to feed him his bottle. He guzzled it down and proceeded to stare wide-eyed at his surroundings and new world. His little face was so cute and my heart was full. I had the chance to hold him quite a bit and got him to nod off to sleep before I left (though I think he had to be woken up for an assessment shortly after anyway, but I love that he fell asleep). I. love. babies.
I really didn't expect to feel so attached, but it is amazing to have a nephew. Jimmy and Jess are going to make amazing parents. It's not always easy. A lot of the time you feel like you are doing something (everything?) wrong, but at the end of the day, it's the most important job you could do. Parenthood hard (in a different way than you probably imagine), but it's good and there is nothing sweeter than those newborn days. It will be a foggy, exhausting, learning-curve type of a time, but that tiny squishy sweet dependent little person who needs you... and you are enough. Enjoy Zachary... I know I will. :) Congratulations Jimmy and Jess. Welcome to the world Zachary. I hope you like it here. :)
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