Morning Sickness advice

There has been a rash of pregnancy announcements lately.  4 facebook friends, 1 family member, and 1 online blogger that I follow.  YAY babies. :) While I was reading about blogger's #8 (COOL!) announcement I began reading some of her other posts and stumbled upon this:

http://themarathonmom.com/top-10-tips-for-surviving-morning-sickness.htm

I need to remember it for when I get slammed next time. Blech. I loathe morning sickness.  The only thing she didn't mention was B6 and Unisom (1/2 unisom tablet and 50mg B6 at night... acts as an anti nausea med. You can take 50mg B6 twice during the day to help too), but seriously, she hit the major stuff to help with morning sickness so I wanted to save her words of wisdom.  If you've gotten through morning sickness eight times, you must know a thing or 2 right?!

Gentle Discipline: What do you do?

This article is a.w.e.s.o.m.e!!!!  Absolutely amazing.  I am big on positive parenting and raising children with respect (and admittedly, I have so so so so so much work to do still) but this post hit the nail in the head.  I'm not going to taut myself to be an uber gentle parent and ansolutely perfect, but what she lists here is what I strive for each and every day.  I'm blogging this here for my reference, but maybe you'll enjoy it too. :) 


http://www.jennifermcgrail.com/2011/04/gentle-discipline-so-what-do-you-do.html

Vegan Food items

http://www.peta.org/living/vegetarian-living/accidentally-vegan.aspx#

I came across this website and it's AWESOME.  It lists store bought goodies that are vegan (i.e. milk free). Yay.  There are a bunch of items that I never would have thoughts are milk free! Bookmarking this one for Josh!

http://thegypsymama.com/2010/10/when-your-kids-wont-stay-in-bed/

When your kids won’t stay in bed

OCTOBER 27, 2010

in MOTHERHOOD, RAISING BOYS, FAMILY

As I write this my boys are not in bed sleeping. They are not tucked in and staying put. They are not obeying. They are not even pretending to be obeying.

They are hurling mini missiles at my bedroom door. I am hiding in here and counting down the minutes till I feel calmer and can go out and tuck them in again for what feels like the thousandth time tonight. When I will remember that I love them and that their chubby toes make me smile and that they will sleep at some point tonight and that I’d rather they be best friends and roommates who crush each other under the weight of their mutual admiration than not. Even if it ends up in tears and someone claiming that he can no longer breathe.

I sit under this yellow comforter and wait for that inevitable moment trying to figure out the intersection between grace and discipline.

When I was eleven I used to creep out of my bedroom and down the hallway to where my mom and dad were watching TV. He always got home so late, late. And I wanted to be part of their magical moments of reconnection – listening as they sifted through the day or just sat quiet together watching Thirty Something. I wanted to be where they were. And ice cream, I usually wanted ice cream as well.

My dad, he would notice me there, tucked in behind the living room wall hoping simultaneously to be invisible and invited. He would smile slow and quietly wave a hand toward me and I’d scuttle up around the back of the couch and into the crook of his arm. I would perch so quietly hoping by taking as few breaths as humanly possible I would manage to deflect my mother’s irritation.

But I was never quiet enough and she was always tired enough for three.

It took me right up until moments like tonight to understand what was going on in her head. And it’s that snapshot memory that keeps me from barreling down the hallway and yelling like the banshee I feel like on the inside. Tired, over stimulated with kid-speak, seeking sanctuary in a conversation or TV show, she still held her breath when her daughter wouldn’t stay in bed. And I’m guessing it cost her more than it cost the shallow breathing-please-let-me-stay eleven-year-old who was curled up on the couch in comfortable delight.

Sure, she may have muttered under her breath and sighed dramatically and glared in my direction. But she let me stay. She let me savor their alone time. She gave me the gift of a memory of closeness and not temper.

So tonight when I go back and open the door to the chaos and the boys and their delight at being up together and with me, I will understand what’s going on in their hearts and try hard to hold my breath. I may mutter and sigh at them and insist that they stay put. But I will also burrito hug them into their blankets. I will get them one more sip of water. I will turn the night lights just so and tuck in their toes exactly the way they like. And pray that one day they remember to return the favor for their own kids.

http://ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/timeouts

Timeouts & Consequences

Most parents nowadays try not to use physical punishment.  Many have been advised instead to use modern child management: timeouts and “consequences.” But any child can explain to you that timeouts -- and, in many families, consequences -- are actually punishment.

What’s wrong with Timeouts? 

On the surface, Timeouts seem sensible. They give everyone a chance to calm down. Supposedly, they teach kids a lesson.

Well, I have bad news for you. It’s true that timeouts are infinitely better than hitting, and yelling. But Timeouts teach the wrong lessons, and they don’t work to create better behaved children.  In fact, they always worsen kids' behavior.

Why? Because any child can explain to you that timeouts ARE punishment, not any different than when you were made to stand in the corner as a child.  And any time you punish a child, you make him feel worse about himself.

Here’s what happens when you use timeouts:
1. Timeouts make kids feel bad about themselves. You confirm what she suspected – she is a bad person. Not only does this lower self esteem, it creates bad behavior, because people who feel bad about themselves behave badly.

As Otto Weininger, Ph.D. author of Time-In Parenting says:“Sending children away to get control of their anger perpetuates the feeling of 'badness" inside them...Chances are they were already feeling not very good about themselves before the outburst and the isolation just serves to confirm in their own minds that they were right.”
2. Kids need our help to learn to calm themselves. Sure, a child will eventually calm down if confined to “the naughty step” or their room, but what they’ll be learning is that they are all alone with their most difficult feelings and problems. The fastest way to teach kids to calm themselves is to provide a “holding environment” for the child, giving him the message that his out of control feelings are acceptable and can be managed.
 3. You’re breaking your child’s trust in you by triggering his fear of abandonment.  Banishing an upset child is pushing him away just when he needs you the most. Worst of all, instead of helping him to calm down, it triggers his innate fear of abandonment.  If gives him the message that only his “pleasant” feelings are ok, that his authentic, messy, difficult feelings – part of who we all are – are unacceptable and unlovable.

4. Instead of reaffirming your relationship with your child so she WANTS to please you, timeouts create a power struggle. They set up a relationship that pits you and your authority against the child. It’s true that as long as the parent is bigger than the child, the parent wins this power struggle, but no one ever really wins in a parent-child power struggle.  The child loses face and has plenty of time to sit around fantasizing revenge.  (Did you really think she was resolving to be a better kid?)
5. Because you have to harden your heart to your child’s distress during the timeout, timeouts erode your empathy for your child.  Yet your empathy for this struggling little person is the basis of your relationship with him, and is the most important factor in whether or not he behaves to begin with.  So parents who use timeouts often find themselves in a cycle of escalating misbehavior.

So timeouts, while infinitely better than hitting, are just another version of punishment by banishment and humiliation. To the degree that Timeouts are seen as punishment by kids – and they always are -- they are not as effective as positive discipline to encourage good behavior.

So if you’re using them as punishment for transgressions, that’s a signal that you need to come up with a more effective strategy.  (see Why Positive Discipline, and Handling Your Own Anger.)

And if you’re using them to deal with your kids’ meltdown, that’s actually destructive, as I mentioned, because you’re triggering your child’s abandonment panic. If you want to teach your child emotional self-management, that’s
only effective before a meltdown starts.  When you realize your child is getting to that dangerous over-wrought place, suggest that the two of you take some “cozy time” – snuggle up and read a book. Once the meltdown starts and your child is swept with emotion, it’s too late for teaching.  Just stay nearby so you don’t trigger his abandonment panic, and stay calm. Don’t give in to whatever caused the meltdown, but offer your total sympathy and be ready to reassure him of your love once he calms down.

I want to add that Timeouts are a terrific management technique – for parents.  When you find yourself losing it, take five.  This keeps you from doing anything you’ll be sorry about later.  It models wonderful self-management for your kids. And it ultimately makes your discipline more effective because you aren’t making threats you won’t carry out.

So what's wrong with using Consequences to teach kids lessons?

I love actual consequences as a teacher.  We all have to learn that if we don't think about what books we need at home to study for the test, we won't be able to get them after the school closes.  But when most parents use consequences for discipline, they aren't the natural result of the child’s actions (“I forgot my lunch today so I was hungry”).  Instead, they have become for children the threats they hear through their parents’ clenched teeth: “If I have to stop this car and come back there, there will be CONSEQUENCES!!” 

So if you do use the concept of Consequences as a teacher for your child, and you want them to be effective, make sure they are actually "natural" consequences that don't come off as punishment.
Parents who use timeouts and "consequences" as threats are often shocked to learn that there are families who never hit, never use timeouts, and rarely raise their voices to their children.  But you shouldn’t need to use these methods of discipline, and if you're using them now, you'll probably be quite relieved to hear that you can wean yourself away from them. 

What else can you do?  A good relationship is your foundation; discipline doesn't work without it because your child stops caring about pleasing you.  The next step, when you can do it, is to stay two steps ahead of your kid, so that you give her ample warning before transitions, for instance, always leave extra time to get anything done, and make sure she gets enough sleep. A good general rule is to sidestep power struggles and to give her as much control over her life as possible so she doesn't need to rebel.  The third step is to have age-appropriate expectations.  A one year old needs a baby-proofed house, not to learn by timeouts how to leave the DVD player alone.  A four year old needs your help to get through the bedtime routine, not timeouts when he gets distracted and dawdles. 

Finally, when all else fails -- as it often will, because we're only human -- fall back on your sense of humor.  How?  Don't let your buttons get pushed. Turn things into a game.  Distract your child with jokes and riddles.  Sit down on the floor and laugh until you cry at the absurdity of the whole thing.  The truth is, when you're in a good mood, and have a good relationship with your child, parenting gets a whole lot easier.  

Check out the section on this website called How to Use Positive Discipline for more specifics. And remember, this too shall pass.

Going to Bed... and Staying There!

Here is another "brain bookmark" for me as a parent.  We seriously dealt with this with June and probably will with our others sooooo... here is a solution:

From: http://drphelan.typepad.com/dr-thomas-w-phelan/

Going to Bed—and Staying There!

Apparently we’re on the right track. In our latest online survey almost 40% of our responding parents said that bedtime was a major problem. Well, here’s what you can do about it. The procedure takes about thirty minutes, though you don’t have to always be involved the whole time.

First, you pick a bedtime and stick to it. Don’t just say “Time for bed!” whenever you happen to remember it. One-half hour before bedtime, you tell the kids it’s time to get ready. Your signal to the kids means, by prior agreement, that children about five and over have to get ready for bed on their own (you’ll help the littler ones). Getting ready means whatever you require: teeth brushed, bath or shower, pajamas on, etc.

When the kids say they’re ready, they check in with you.

If they are in fact ready for bed, you praise their accomplishment and tell them it’s story time. Or you can just sit on the bed and talk. However much time is left in the half hour is how much time they have for their story or for talking. When bedtime rolls around, kiss them good night and leave the room (don’t forget to put on a floor fan for the white noise).

Now comes the fun. What about the bored and scared youngsters who won’t stay put? First of all, it’s attitude adjustment time for mom or dad or both. Don’t even dream that these children will stay in bed after you’re gone. Instead, get a chair and put it in the doorway of their room. Get yourself a good book and sit facing out of the room. If the child gets up, you escort them back to bed.

You cannot talk after bedtime! If your son or daughter keeps getting up, stop the escorting and let them sleep on the floor if they want. But they cannot leave the room.

What does this procedure do for our bored or scared little ones? The bored kids soon learn that they can’t leave the room, that there’s no point in feigning hunger or thirst (that was all taken care of in the half hour prep), that you’re not going to talk to them, and finally, that they might as well just go to sleep. And they will!

The scared kids, on the other hand, are reassured by your presence. If you don’t play games getting in and out of the chair, as the nights go by the children will go to sleep more quickly than you ever imagined. In a few weeks you might not have to sit in the chair at all.

At bedtime a relatively small investment can pay big rewards. After the kids are asleep, it’s mental health time for you!

Questions? Fire away.

A Newborn’s Conversation with God

I read this for the first time about 3 1/2 years ago and it melted my heart then and makes me smile and tear up every time I read it.  

- A Newborn’s Conversation with God –

A baby asked God, “They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?”

God said, “Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you.”

The child further inquired, “But tell me, here in heaven I don’t have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy.”

God said, “Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you.  And you will feel your angel’s love and be very happy.”

Again the small child asked, “And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don’t know the language?”

God said, “Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.”

“And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?”

God said, “Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.”

“Who will protect me?”

God said, “Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life.”

“But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.”

God said, “Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you.”

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, “God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel’s name.”

God said, You will simply call her, “Mom.”