Before I Was a Mom

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on..
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep..

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom..
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom.

...

I had read this poem before.
I read it before I was a mom and ir carried no meaning and made little sense.
I read it when June was little, related to some & teared up at imagining the others.
I read it today & completely feel touched. Motherhood is amazing.

Though I never was one to check on babies (or toddlers for that matter) every ten minutes (who wants to chance waking them back up?!?! Are you crazy?!), I have done most of the rest of that poem.

I've felt the satisfaction of feeding a baby. Currently knowing that Josh's weight gain from 6lbs to 16lbs in 5 months was completely my body's doing, is amazing. I love that I'm continuing to grow him even though he was evicted from his cozy home within on November 10th.

I've slept on June's floor, pregnant, because he didn't feel well and needed mommy. (similarly, so has Jim, just not pregnant)

I've worried over fevers and coughs.

I've been awestruck at each milestone and the transformation from baby to toddler.

I've picked noses, wiped snot, & cleaned countless faces.

I've reveled in seeing first smiles & hearing first coos... twice.

I've felt the highs and lows of being a mom of a baby, a mom of a toddler, and a mom of both. I know I am in my rookie years and have much much to learn and experience, but this mommy hood thing really is something else.

Good, bad, and ugly I wouldn't trade it for the world.

(June is currently saying "I wan mommys puter." Gotta go.