Love & Logic

When I look back at past posts I can't help but feel slightly bad for the past me.  I was really really trying but from about early 2008 to recently (yeah, almost 3 years) I was in a funk.  A really long funk.  I was having trouble with letting go of my own wants and giving in to the selfless life that is mommyhood and I was grappling with *how* to raise good, responsible, loving kids.  Unfortunately I was taking the wrong approaches.  I was strict and cold.  I remember June being about 15 months old and just feeling alone.  I decided that I was completely capable of taking care of the house, June, and all other responsibilities that I was supposed to uphold, but to do so I completely detached myself.  Yanno how the Grinch's heart was 2 sizes too small. Yeah. That was me.

And the sad thing was (really sad) that I got good at it.  Really good.  I became cold hearted.  Cold hearted towards the kids... cold hearted towards Jim... and generally apathetic about most things.  Sounds dramatic, but it's honest.

I was very comfortable in my mechanical non-feeling lifestyle until it started to backfire on me.  I started seeing extreme behavior in June.  He would throw tantrums that were insanely massive... and over teeny things.  He would maliciously try to hurt Josh or other kids if they crossed him.  My heartlessness was affecting him negatively (the acting out) and was passing to him too (lack of compassion).

Thankfully, at some point in the last few months something changed.  And to be honest it may have been Elizabeth.  I remember cuddling her (something I didn't do for fun with the boys) and enjoying her... just the 2 of us.  I would hold her, snuggle her and soak her in.  Something clicked and I began to wonder why I was so head over heals for her.  I loved her, really loved her... it broke the cold side of me.  So that got the wheels turning and I began to delve into research on loving playful parenting... I recieved this book for Christmas and it's the best thing to happen to me as a mom:



It talks about giving your kids control, staying calm and in control yourself and following through with consequences but without ever getting angry or losing empathy. Let me tell you, I identify so well with this book, yet it's the opposite of how I've been disciplining the kids.  I was giving tons of warnings, in consequential punishments and was just a mess.

Since starting what this book recommends, June is a changed child.  He is back to being loving, fun, enjoyable, responsible, compassionate, and just himself. And, almost more importantly, it's giving me strategies on how to *not* fall into the same traps with Josh.  He's already learning that whining gets him nowhere and if he is naughty he will go spend some time alone until he can be sweet.

Thank goodness for this change.  I feel like the clouds are parting and I'm enjoying being a mommy again.  A 3 year funk is no fun and I'm hopeful that this is the start of enjoyable times with my kids.  Tools in hand and a heart caring and open.