One very emotional, trying, growing, learning, feeling week. I hope to not go through something like this week for a very very long time, but it hasn't been all bad. There are parts, like the physical side of things that just suck. There is no way around it. That's a slap in the face. But on the flip side, this has been positive in a few lights.
First and foremost, I'm not super-supreme-pregnant-woman. We've conceived all 4 without trying. Not even once. It just happens for us. And then... I have textbook pregnancies. I have super low blood pressure, I don't gain too much weight, my body handles pregnancy, labor, and delivery well and my babies seem to thrive. There has never been a troubling spot in any of my pregnancies prior to this.
And ya know... all those thing combined gave me a cocky aire about pregnancy. In fact, I was even a bit upset about some of those things. With being open to life, I get frustrated that fertility returns before my babies turn 1. I fear ending up with 15 kids and I kinda sorta long to be one of those moms whose fertility does return until months after they stop nursing. So, prior to this week I had a different view of it all. I never longed for a baby. I never felt pain regarding pregnancies and children.
I see it differently now. I feel blessed that I get pregnant so easily. Many people really really struggle and getting pregnant and more than that, I see the fragility of life. God chose to keep Roch but I've been blessed with 3 others who have been entered into this life with no issues. I pray that our next pregnancy goes easily and I anticipate that awesome time. I'm excited at the prospect at getting another chance to grow another little one and hopefully, God willing, getting to meet that tiny bundle in all it's newborn perfection.
My outlook has changed and God has knocked me down a peg. This has been another one of our many little, albeit trying, blessings.
Watch over us, Roch. You will always always be in my heart. <3
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