HGC movin' down

Not that I didn't know what was going on, nor did I doubt the symptoms I was having, but I got my blood test results today to confirm things.  My HCG levels were already "very low" which signals that my body is doing a good job of clearing out on its own... no other intervention should be needed.  That is a good thing and low numbers were my "best case" scenario at this point.

I'm ready to move on.  I'm ready for Roch to watch us and pray for us and hold a spot up there for the rest of us when our time comes.  It stinks bc I really just want this week to be over more than anything.  I'm done with the physical side of things and part of me really just wants to flash forward, but going through this week should also be healing.  I'm doing a lot of talking, a lot of thinking, and I really do feel like I'm in a good place.  I'm not happy that we lost this baby. We were anticipating an ultrasound and OB appt next week, telling family the weeks after that, and meeting our 4th in April.  God had other plans and I'm at the point that I am ok with that.

We just keep chugging along...  the kids are oblivious but I've openly talked to people in front of them so they have to know something is going on.  I don't know whether to tell them or let them read it here when they are older, but for now we are coping and healing and looking towards the future but very much fully living in the present.

One day at a time... loving those around me and feeling closer to God than I have in a long time.  I've never lost faith or anything, but I feel very personal this week.  Roch was meant for something and I think he's teaching me more than I anticipated.  I'm respecting life and pregnancy more... I'm enjoying and really amazed at the 3 that I have (I can't believe I made them... from scratch... to completion and they are absolutely perfect -to me-).  Ok Jim and I made them.  That's the other side of this.  My blog is very "Susie's head" and I often leave Jim out of it (not for any particular reason... I'm not a gushy person nor and I going to write about rough patches so the highs and lows on here are focused on me and the kids), anyway... he's been here this week understanding. feeling, and just being through all of it. It's been a bonding week, I think.

And the kicker, he's been dealing with major tooth pain all week and will have a root canal tomorrow.  Trouper, I tell ya.

So that's where I am... lowering number and an overwhelming desire to MOVE ON.  Like jump into subsequent weeks, but here I am, processing... learning... and experiencing another facet of life. :)